The Connection of a Community

One of the hardest things that I’ve been faced with these last few weeks has been saying “goodbye” and “see you soon!” to the people I care the most about in my life. Last week I said my goodbyes to the majority of my Crossroads family. Today  was the last day that I will see my best friend before I leave (she left my house minutes ago), it was also the day that I returned to the Duxbury Student Union to say one final “see you soon” to the students and staff (and answer a few last minute questions about “going number two” and some odd porcupine related questions).

I thought that I would be more devastated by these moments, that I would break down crying as I question leaving these people for the unknown of living on the trail. But it hit me that while I am leaving these people and places physically, I am not leaving them spiritually. As cheesy at it sounds, I carry the people and places that I love with me as I embark on this journey. They each hold too much significance in my heart and in who I am, that there is no way that our connection will disappear with my absence. As I am writing this, I am reminded of the countless times I was told as a child that wherever I go I am representing my family, my community and myself (as well as the countless times that I have told this to the students I’ve worked with).

The unwavering support that I’ve gotten from the people in my life is more than I could ever ask for. Just today I was at Target, and both the cashier and the woman behind me in line, started asking me all sorts of questions and wishing me all the best. They said they were envious and that they wished that they could come with me, but again, after that small exchange, I think they will travel with me, at least in memory and stored within the support banks of my being. I carry my community with me as a reminder that I can come off of the trail if I need to, but that I have people rooting for me just out of the pure kindness and sincerity of their hearts. The Target lady (no, not Kristen Wiig) could’ve just been like “psh, good luck or whatever” but no, she genuinely wished me well, and wished for only the best weather for me along my trip. I’m starting to see that the trail itself (or maybe just journeys of this size) really do tend to bring out the best in people. They want to know more, they want to support you, it really is just a pleasant thing to be associated with, and I haven’t even left yet. I’ve “met” a fellow thru-hiker on social media and we have been trading trail/gear advice, sharing our uncertainties, and just having genuine conversation about what we are most excited for. This guy has never seen a picture of me, never known my name or any real personal details about my life, but we have still managed to connect and have that same positive presence in each other’s pre-trail lives.

I’ve never been much of a religious person, but have always found a spiritual connection to the natural world, finding a “God” of sorts in the vein patterns of a leaf, or in simply breathing in the crisp, pine-filled air on a mountain top. I’ve also scoffed at people who talk about the presence of different energies and the way these energies move and connect us all. However, as I have these interactions with women at Target, or find connections with people I’ve never met, I’m starting to think that there is some sort of energy that has a presence that I should start acknowledging more (maybe we should all acknowledge it more). All I am trying to say here, is that when I meet a stranger on the trail, there will be parts of them that won’t be new or strange. It could be something as blatant as “hey, that guy has a sense of humor just like someone I know” or it could be more of a “I’m not sure what it is about that girl that reminds me of my friend from home, but I feel like I’ve known them forever because of it”. That must be energy in the works, no? When you meet someone and after five minutes of “knowing them” feel like you’ve known them forever? Well, if it isn’t an energy thing, I don’t know what it is, but I can assure you that in the time I’ll spend out in the woods, thinking of all of life’s mysteries, this will be at the top of the list.

 

When your brain goes “AAAHHH”

In 4 days I will be driving down to Georgia with my family. It is a drive that will take close to 2 1/2 days, so in total, I have about 6 days until I start hiking the AT.

People keep asking me how I’m feeling about this, and if I’m ready, and saying things like “aw that’s so exciting! Wooooo!” But they don’t know how bad my trail brain is right now. I’ve created about 10 different lists of things I still need to buy (last minute is clearly my forte), but every time I walk into REI or EMS I just get overwhelmed by the thought of What if I forget something? I’m totally forgetting something, and then end up staring at things that I don’t need (typically Patagonia backpacks and coats that I just want because they look warm and are turquoise). I am excited, I am ready to get out there and see what I am capable of. I am looking forward to the super rainy weeks and potential really cold nights, because the cold is not new to me (although camping in the cold is, I will admit) and I have worked long days outside in the rain before, without the right gear, so having the right gear will make that less bad, right? So why is it that I keep procrastinating on buying socks? Is it because that’s the last coffin in the nail of my ACTUALLY doing this? If I were to show you my list of things I need right now, it would be socks, sunscreen, and better sports bras because the ones I bought just aren’t cutting it. Oh, and maybe a pair of warm pants for when I’m at camp. I need those right? Or do I just think that I need those?

I’ve done as much reading as I can (I think anyways) about how to hike and how to prepare for hiking the AT, but since this is a new type of undertaking to me, I’m finding myself wishing I had more experience, because then I would know “oh I totally don’t need that, I’m all set because I’ve got ___________”. This is the one instance where I’ve found that my lack of hands on knowledge is driving me crazy. Socks are clearly something that I need, a portable charger is also probably something that I should have, though it treads the line between luxury item and necessity. But come on, socks? Duh. Just go buy some damn socks. It’s an easy fix. Part of me thinks that the part of me that feeds on chaos and “AAAAHHHHH” moments is procrastinating on purpose, so that I can justify the anxiety that will accompany the day I leave. I picture myself running in to REI in a way that resembles the mom from “Home Alone” running through the airport after she realizes she is a horrible parent and forgot her kid, and just yelling SOCKKKKKSSSS at the top of my lungs, probably causing an avalanche of gear. Well at least I don’t have a kid, and at least my “Kevin” is really two to three pairs of Darn Tough socks. Could you imagine that movie if a pair of socks had to fight off two burglars? Ah sorry, distracted brain just decided to knock on trail brain’s door with a screenplay for a “Home Alone” remake in which the protagonist is a well worn pair of socks. Anyway, I’m hoping that once I do buy these socks, that they age more gracefully than Macaulay Culkin (whose name by the way means “son of righteousness”).

What was the point of this post? Where was I going with this? Well my brain has officially gone “AAAHHH”, so I guess this was a glimpse into the carnival that is happening in there right now. I would promise that in the future my posts won’t be so all over the place, but I’m going to hike my own hike, so I might as well blog my own blog & just see what happens. I can promise that in the future the posts will be more focused, in that they will have more specific topics and act as markers for different milestones and experiences that I have while on the trail.