Off

Ladies & Gents, I’m sorry for the radio silence. If that hasn’t been a sign of what you’re about to read, let me say it for you here & now. I am officially off the trail again, this time with not a lot left to finish.

It has taken me a little while to process the “why’s” of my ending my hike, and securing that I am a LASHER (long-ass section hiker) and not a thru hiker. I was mad about that label for awhile, but have now decided to claim it. Within this specific hiking community, section hikers tend to look down on their own accomplishments because they’re “not as legit as a thru hiker”, or haven’t done the whole thing in one go. Well, let me say that I’ve had more fun hiking smaller sections than I have just trying to drag my tired, injured self crazy miles a day.  Not trying to throw shade at thru hikers, they are undoubtedly beasts and athletes, I just personally enjoy the process better with smaller sections & feel the end of each section is like reaching a smaller goal/checkpoint that builds up to the finish line/big goal.

Another “why” is that I was feeling mentally, physically & spiritually weak. I was away from my family & putting strain on them/other relationships with the distance and demands of supporting a long distance hiker. Entering the Whites, I felt my body start to seize up & also couldn’t carry my pack comfortably due to a laceration that went from the top of my shoulder to inside of my armpit (pro tip: wear a t-shirt not a tank top to prevent this from happening). 

Cute, right? This is a few days off trail, where it had healed a little, so picture this but much more inflamed/gross/wicked hard to keep clean/protected while hiking.

(Anyways, back to business)

Two things hit me after this wonderful injury, and after hiking Moosilauke with my brother, father & dog, I need to feel physically strong before I can finish this trail & I really wasn’t enjoying hiking by myself. I was watching the sunset on Greylock when the want to hike with others really set in. Thankfully I was able to share the moment with the nice couples I had dinner with, but still I was painfully aware that the next morning I would be hiking out alone. 

Sharing the summit of Moosilauke with my family made that nearly treacherous hike even more worthwhile. Standing in the parking lot after the insane downhill & basking in the “holy crap we just did that!” Type of joy that accompanies a share accomplishment, solidified that this was a memory we would all share. When I referenced some beautiful sight we saw that day, it was refreshing to have someone know exactly what I meant. I also probably would’ve injured myself had I been hiking alone that day due to the trail conditions, so it’s not just helpful to have people with you for company and memories, but for safety as well (duh).

My plan now is to condition the hell out of my body, follow the training regimen I had been doing prior to hiking, but also condition myself mentally to be able to finish what is easily the hardest section of the trail. When I summit Katahdin, I will be worthy of standing on that sign, I want to be my strongest self. I’m not saying I’m not worthy or capable of it now, it just didn’t feel like the right time to push on and finish. 

For now, I’m back at camp (surprise, surprise) & enjoying the routine and familiarity of it all. I’m prepping myself and my life for grad school and the challenges that will bring & trying to remember to stretch everyday. I’m reconnecting with myself & my poetry writing self, which explains the lack of attention this page has been getting. 

I’m really just genuinely happy right now & it feels fantastic. Even on the toughest, 1,000 degree day, I’m walking around smiling and confident in my actions/choices & with myself in general. It’s a truly freeing feeling to know who you are and what you’re about/what you bring to the table, and I encourage you all to reflect on yourself and make the changes necessary (if any) to feel fulfilled.

It’s my goal to post on here at least once a week, just to update on progress & also so I can keep myself accountable. I honestly feel too as though “heading north” has become less of a literal thing & more of a metaphorical journey of finding my true north and following it. 

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend & catch a sunset or two with someone you love. Be nice to each other and to yourself, and enjoy the process. 🙂