Torn

This trip has not been easy, backpacking is not easy. I never expected it to be.

But here we are on the eve of Finn getting picked up & I’m crying in a hotel room and watching Friends reruns. 

The last few weeks that we have been out here, he has been warmth when I’ve needed it, comic relief in times of doubt & a positive tool for me to be able to interact with strangers and feel comfortable. He’s allowed me to talk to people without that shy feeling creeping back in, and his background/breed history have been great conversation jumping off points. He’s alerted me to sketchy people (and just people in general) and has been patient with me throughout.

It would not be fair to him to drag him over the rocks of Pennsylvania. It would put us both at risk.

Still, I don’t know what to do. I’m ahead of the “hiker bubble” and have been hiking with people who started in springer all together. They already have their little trail families & even if I wanted to join them, can’t (and don’t want to) do the 30 mile days they do.

Without Finn, I will be on my own. Sure I’ll run into section hikers or weekenders from time to time, but I will be alone for the better part of my days/nights. I don’t do well on my own like that. I don’t enjoy myself on my own. I haven’t really been having a great time out here, but anytime I was really struggling, Finn was there.

I currently feel like the blister on my pinky toe. For a few days I was holding in there, feeling bigger with each step. Then, out of nowhere, poof, I felt deflated. Now I’m in pain and trying to save the skin on my toe. I think I lost the metaphor there, but a piece of me is both literally and figuratively about to be missing. 

My entire body hurts, my feet and spirit feel weak & I hate that I’m feeling so low.

I’m gonna miss my little pup. Since I got him in November, preparing him for this trip has been my daily focus. Our training walks, the frustration of putting his pack on & having him adjust to carrying it happily have been what I dedicated my energy to. Now, I don’t know what I’ll do, I never prepared myself for trail life without this little doggo. He’s sleeping next to me right now & has no clue that I’m crying or that after tomorrow I won’t see him for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months depending on how the plan develops.

To make matters worse, tomorrow I’ll see my parents as they pick up the dog. So, I will have to say goodbye to my mum & dad AND the dog. I’m not ready for this, can tonight just last like…300 hours? Can I just freeze time? 

I simply don’t know how to process any of this. 

Woof woof…is this thing on?

Hey everybody it’s Finn checking in on the blog. Hannah just left the tent to pee, so I thought I’d take the chance to finally share my input on this backpacking thing.

Basically all I do all day is carry stuff that Hannah never uses (what’s the deal, lady?) and walk up and down and up and down all sorts of paths. Some are dirt, some are rocks and some are roads with big trucks wooshing by us (really scary stuff, Hannah almost got hit today)

I also get to sniff a bunch of stinky people who are also walking up and down paths all day. Picture a stinky trash can, but then throw in a bunch of bottles of the vinegar people put on fish and chips, add some dirt (a lot of dirt) and there you have it. They all smell like this. Me and the other dogs out here don’t understand…we hike all day and still just smell like dog…maybe it’s because we don’t sweat like humans? 

I met a new friend named Baxter. She’s a beautiful dog that I’d like to see and run around with again, but her and her owner both walk really fast so it might not happen. She’ll forever be the one that got away I guess…

Hannah let me sleep on a bed in the hotel. I made a pillow fort and watched a movie about a ship that broke in half and then people went swimming. I went swimming today! I also pretended to be tired so that Hannah would carry my pack for me. I’m so clever. 

Everyone keeps telling me I’m a good dog, and that I’m so beautiful and well behaved (especially for a puppy, guess I’m mature for my age). I’m trying not to let it go to my head, but with all the belly rubs and attention, I feel like Lassie in her hay day!

OH! I’ve got to go…Hannah is on her way back, guess it’s time to pretend to be asleep.

See ya! 

THINGS I WILL NEVER DO AGAIN

• Sleep at a backpackers campsite THAT IS RIGHT NEXT TO TRAIN TRACKS
• Neglect to carry water to said campsite because I thought my guide said water was here (it isn’t) (there’s also supposed to be a privy…there isn’t)
• Make my dog hike 3 extra miles to this campsite without water (I’m so so so so SO sorry Finny)

But in other news:

• None of this would matter if Boiling Springs PA had dog friendly lodging (they don’t) 
• I’ve been hydrating Finn for the last few hours & he is doing well (he also drank grape flavored electrolyte water)
• Shout out to the elderly man in town who let Finn and I go to his house & fill our water bladder from his sink
• A hiker just offered me a sleeping pill…which like…no thanks buddy. But also, IM SLEEPING NEXT TO TRAIN TRACKS SO I WISH I COULDVE SAID YES. 
• To clear up any concerns, I 100% did not accept that sleeping pill (I’ll post a picture of my face tomorrow to prove I got no sleep tonight)

Things

Oh hey! Welcome back. Here’s a list of things I didn’t realize I took for granted/things I miss

• The loyalty of an awesome dog like Finn
• How well “trained” he is (if he had to be on leash 24/7, this trip would be miserable)
• Sunny days 
• A sunny day after a series of rainy days
• Sleeping in a bed 
• Being able to stretch out while sleeping (I.e. Not being confined in a sleeping bag)
• Having a change of clothes 
• Warm/dry sweatshirts 
• Warm/cozy blankets and pillows 
• Heat
• Running water (aka not having to use a nasty privy or port-a-potty)
• Having people cook for me
• Having food options
• Crunchy foods 
• Hugs from friends/family 
• Cleanliness 
• Did I mention a warm bed??
• Doors
• Having a roof over my head 
• Trash cans 
• Restaurants 
• Nail clippers 
• Proteins (like a big ol’ steak or cheeseburger or chicken)
• Fresh fruits/vegetables 
• Yogurt 
• Showers 
• Deodorant (I don’t miss this as much, but the people around me probably wish I had it)
• Trail magic 
• Hanging out/doing nothing with the people I love the most 
• Swimming pools (I just really want to go swimming) 
• The oceannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. This one just hit me and like…streams and whatever are cool, but I need to recharge near the ocean ASAP
• Not having to fumble around for a headlamp/get out of the warm comfort of a sleeping bag to go to the bathroom at night.

I’m sure there’s more, but I can always edit this as I go!

Heading North

“If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down” – Mary Pickford.

Right now I’m not feeling like a “failure” or like I’ve “failed” but it has been hard readjusting to trail life & adjusting to having another life to have to take care of & be constantly aware of. It’s kind of nice to have to be hyper aware of our surroundings & to go at my dog’s pace, but it’s also wearing on me a bit.

I’m also totally not used to hiking in the rain. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer it to hiking in snow, but it totally makes your body and mind have to work harder & I think that this is why I’m not feeling so great. 

I’m also stranded at a hotel right now (oh tough I know, so sad). It’s unexpected and expensive, but I can’t find anyone who has time to shuttle me (and my dog) from this hotel to the trail. I’m not the type to lie and say that Finn is a service dog, but I wish I could. Actually, I’d just prefer it if the attitude towards dogs in lodging were different, but that’s not going to happen so here we are! 

But here is the cool news:

Tomorrow I will OFFICIALLY be in the north. We will cross the Mason-Dixon Line midday tomorrow & be in Pennsylvania. We will be passing the AT midpoint next week and that’s prettt great too. 

I’m going to try to focus on the day to day, but I am still hit with the fact that even when I get to Katahdin I will not be 100% done with the trail as I have a few small sections I’ll have to go back and hike. I’m kind of okay with that though because it will allow me to continue to revisit this beautiful land & maybe share it with the people in my life who would want to do a short section with me. (I also don’t want to go ANYWHERE near the Smokies right now because everyone there is sick). 

I’m excited for the warmer weather and that the forecast for the next few days has shifted so that the rain and storm seems to be not as threatening. I can’t wait until I can send home my sleeping bag and some other gear. I also can’t wait until I don’t have to carry pounds of dog food (sorry Finn, I love you but it’s tough).

So now that I’ll officially be in the north…who wants to hike with me??? 

3 Days with a doggo

Hey everybody! I’m alive! Although you probably know that because Maryland is one of those weird trail sections where you have service, so that’s good!

Maryland also has a ton of rocks, and they’re not like Pennsylvania or Massachusetts rocks, these things sneak up on you real fast. Maryland is also home to a really cool backpacking Campground that has flushable toilets and warm showers (which saved my life yesterday as all of my gear and clothes got soaked in what turned out to be 24 hours of rain).

So anyways, I’ve learned a lot in the few days that I’ve been out here. 

1. I realllyyyyyy hate sleeping in a tent and should switch to a hammock ASAP

2. Never try to move a sleeping dog off of your inflatable sleeping pad, his dewclaw WILL cut it open.

3. My dog likes cheese and Fritos (given to him with my permission, from a fellow hiker)…I don’t like stinky dog farts in my tent & regret that decision

4. This little black doggo of mine is a stout and steadfast traveling companion who will hike all day & with limited breaks, because he’s that loyal and active.

5. Hiking 4 miles on the first day was not enough to tire either of us out & not much sleep was had that night. 

6. Dog friendly hotels often smell of scented cleaning products (this room doesn’t smell as strongly as the last & I don’t know if I should be concerned?)

7. Finn is not a fan of people approaching us & will grumble like a little coffee maker and wait for them to offer him their hand or pet him (I’m really concerned that this will become a thing & am hoping I’m not asking too much of him too soon/this doesn’t transfer to normal life)

8. Chafing is real and it sucks

9. If I’m on the trail and can eat whatever I want…why am I eating just Mountain House meals? I need candy bars and Fritos and those type of calories I can binge on to stay warm at night

10. Hiking in the rain isn’t awful, but being cold afterwards is real bad. 

We’ve met some cool people so far, but it is rough because they’ve been traveling together since Springer & do huge mile days that neither of us should/can/want to do yet/ever. I’m realizing that while having a canine traveling partner is 2 parts hilarious/worth it, 1 part dramatic/stressful & 1 part the worst, I’m missing the humans that I care about already. I think I’m a weird type of extrovert that does regain my energy from being around people, but they have to be MY people. Make sense? Either that or I’m secretly a super introvert and I’m exhausted because I’m constantly near people? Maybe I’m just dehydrated and that’s why I’m tired?

All I know is that either way, being in a tent at night is crap. Whoever says they enjoy camping because they love sleeping in a tent, is a filthy liar. Camping is fun because of beer and friends & you eventually pass out from the combination of being inebriated and laughing too much. Backpacking without a close friend or two is like running a half marathon every day & then instead of celebrating with your friends and family, you go to bed covered in sweat and dirt in your little “2-person” bubble. 

Don’t get me wrong, backpacking is worth it, but honestly if I can I’m switching to a hammock. I think my knees & back will be happier for it & I know I can sleep well in one because I do it all the time in the summer. I’d rather live with the fear of a bear making its house under my swinging hammock or accidentally stepping on a porcupine than spend another day in my bubble. But alas, as I don’t have the hammock setup I’d need, I will have to spend many a night in a tent. Womp womp.

But hey, if it was easy everyone would do it, right? 

Currently taking applications for anyone who wants to join me for a portion of the trail & will seriously commit to doing so! 

Ch. 2 WV & Beyond

It is the night before I set out back on the trail, this time with a canine companion & with the greens and purples of spring already wiping out any memory of winter hiking and the threat of subzero nights.

A lot of friends have asked me how I’m feeling right now & the best word I can think of is “neutral”. I don’t feel the overbearing excitement that I had when I first left for the trail & I think that’s because my brain knows what to expect now. I’m more cautious than I was before & also won’t be hiking any huge mile days for awhile (the biggest day I have planned for the entirety of my trip is 25 but that’s not until like, the second to last week). 

I’m a bit nervous because now I have the uncertainty of having a dog with me & I won’t know how that’ll go, until it happens. Good news is he will only be with me for this first week and a half, and then go home for a little while, so if it is REALLY bad, he can stay home. I think he will be great, he has an untamable energy that is impressive & is a strangely resourceful dog. 

I’m nervous because my hips don’t feel great (same goes for my knees and my back). I’m not sure if this is because I’ve been cramped in a car all day, or if something has been injured. Al I know is I will be doing a lot more stretching tomorrow & forever/hopefully making it a part of my daily routine.

I’m excited because I get to go explore the world & because it’s warm and in a few weeks I can send home my sleeping bag & then my pack will weigh even less.

Currently with 6 days of food for me, 6 for Finn & factoring water and my gear in, my pack is about 34-36lbs (depending on how much water I have). My base weight is 13 lbs and when I don’t have Finn with me, I’ll be crushing miles as my pack will weigh closer to 20-25 at most.

So here we are, ladies and gentlemen, the second leg of a journey starts tomorrow & will be over before I know it. 

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Thank you all for your support and love, it makes the tough miles easy & my pack feel like it’s floating. 

**side note: the trail mail section has been updated with the new locations (as has my wish list)

“Trek.co”/”Appalachian Trials”

According to a national survey completed by REI, “63% of women said they could not think of an outdoor female role model” and “6 in 10 women say that men’s interests in outdoor activities are taken more seriously than women’s”

Admittedly, I’m not sure I can think of a female outdoor icon who I know enough about their life to idolize, and that’s a damn shame. 

I’d like to take a minute to expand on the idea of women being taken seriously in outdoor activities, specifically on the trail.

I’ve hiked with a lot of great men & I’ve hiked with men who felt it appropriate to comment on the appearance of myself and other female hikers, say things like “oh your daddy let you out here by yourself?” (Which like…how freaking creepy is that?) And have overheard male hikers trivializing the experiences of women and being really freaking condescending.

So it aggravates the hell out of me when websites like Appalachian Trials (aka thetrek.co) post images of a wintery trail with the caption “the southern appalachians are nothing if not menopausal. One day it’s 60+ and sunny, the next, this!” 

Okay so it’s not the crappiest thing ever posted, but the analogy itself makes no sense & if ANYTHING, the trail would be post-menopausal considering it’s 94 years old. 

Why does this matter? Because. There are men on the trail who actually believe that women have no place out on the trail without a man or a gun to protect them. There are men who think that female hikers attract bears because of their periods (NOT A JOKE. This was an ACTUAL conversation). It matters because Appalachian Trials features female contributors, but also featured articles titled “How to Avoid Creepy Guys On the Trail” (which includes some advice like “work on your resting bitch face & don’t send mixed signals”. It also features some “lovely” comments like these

WARNING: gross language ahead

AND

COOL.

BONUS: Found this delightful comment on an article written by a female hiker about relationships/being intimate on the trail (aka “pink blazing”) which is in itself a term that I don’t particularly care for. Fun fact: her article is positive & mentions the importance of consent & “courting not stalking”…apparently Ethan disagrees…poor, lonely, Ethan. 

So, what’s the point of this? The point is, after reading that article, I messaged the editor of the site about the concerning comments (some of which MANY women asked to be addressed or deleted, which they weren’t) and their response was the following

“This can be a tough balance to strike” is not really an acceptable response to “hey there are people posting really obscene and degrading comments on the blog that you edit”. 

This is why you have women staying home. This is why you have women who are afraid to pursue their outdoor interests. What does it say about our society that most female hikers are more afraid of being attacked by a man on the trail, than a bear or something more “traditionally” fearsome?

But that’s not even the point I’m trying to make, I just also had to mention it.

All of this matters because Appalachian Trials is a household name in the AT community & where most hikers go to get their AT information and first hand accounts of what it’s actually like to hike it.

I’m thankful that more women are deciding to hit the trail, I’m also thankful that the internet trolls who write creepy things on blog posts written by female hikers, probably couldn’t actually handle a day on the trail (or hiking as a women, not gonna lie, we have a lot more we need to manage/account for)

Honestly I hope to be on the front line of this “fight” for representation for women & strong outdoor female icons. Ill keep encouraging other women and girls to go hike, stand up for themselves when a jerk of a hiker tries to “mansplain” (hate that phrase, but I’ll use it this once) how to hang a bear bag or tells me why I need a piece of gear (when in reality, I’ve read so many gear reviews & what they’re trying to sell me is crap in comparison). 

I’ve said it multiple times on this blog, that I have been fortunate to hike with some AMAZING humans, many of which were men. I’ve said before that on the trail that it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, genuine kindness and help/support are what keep you going. 

And that’s the truth here. Your gender does not matter on the trail (or in the real world), character is what matters. 

Positive & consistent representation is what matters. Respect for your fellow human, for the trail, for the safety of yourself and others, THESE matter.

April Fools!

I’m writing this post to correct the information from my previous post. After much thought, I’ve decided to push our start date back from April 2nd to April 16th.

There are many reasons for the change, starting with the fact that Finn is still a pup, and with working full time I had admittedly neglected his training a bit. He is much better now & is coming along nicely, but I’m glad we waited. He can now walk successfully off leash & wait/return to me when he runs a little ahead (never out of sight though). He carries 2lbs in his pack with ease, and is able to clear fallen trees even with the weight of his pack. He now knows to avoid the trekking poles when we are walking & has spent a night in the tent with me (we will be doing more in-home camping this week). 

Additionally, I really really really didn’t want to spend my time hiking in snow and camping in freezing temps (for my sake/safety and for his), so leaving later means fewer cold nights as the warm months start to arrive. The area we will be starting in got over a foot of snow a few weeks ago, so allowing that to melt is also a plus. 

I’m honestly also excited to be able to spend Easter with my family & hopefully have my niece be born before I leave so I can meet her. Plus, Red Sox season is 2 days away and I’m hoping to take in a game, as not being able to go to a spring game last year was rough.

I’m also hopeful that once I’m officially “up North” aka north of the Mason-Dixon Line, that some of you will come join me on the trail! Even just for a weekend! Think about it, that’d be pretty cool!

So, to wrap it up, April 16th is the new date! I am still working on logistical things, but be on the look out for an updated list of my mailing locations!